Recently I turned 25 so I thought it is a good time to write down what I learned in life last year.
People come and go, focus & stay in the moment
I will not say I enjoy learning this, but I am grateful to lea arn this lesson and know it will keep happening in our life. There will always be people who come and go. It could be your friends, your colleagues, and your lover.
They are all part of the journey.
I had couple of colleagues left in the last few months. We are all very close and will touch on some personal topics in our conversation, even our struggles in our relationship. When I heard the news, it felt like part of the relationship was being cut off, and I no longer saw this group of colleagues in the office every single day.
But then I also think. In the last year, we all had a great time when we were working in the same company. We hung out during the weekend, bar hopping in SOHO and even got drunk in the office. These moments will be remembered.
Once I acknowledge it, people will eventually leave. We will treasure the moment we spend with others.
It also reminds one of the quote from a romantic comedy - About Time.
I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.
Be honest with yourself, express & talk about your emotion & feeling
I used to be reserved and seldom talk about my feelings & emotion to others, even to my friends because I am scared of judgement. But when I keep doing it, keep holding my feeling and emotion to myself. It will eventually build up a wall between you and others.
Until one thing happens, I decide to change and break the wall.
A relationship ended, and there are a lot of words in my head I want to say. The first time I talked about it with my closest friend, fear and worry tried to hold me back. I am anxious about other people's judgment and fear how my friend will see me.
But the second time I talked about my feelings, the worry faded. I have also become more willing to speak. When the words come out of my mind and mouth, I am calmer and less frustrated.
The third time talking about it, even though I feel vulnerable, my fear gradually disappears and is replaced by my friends' support.
I also realize expressing emotion first starts with acknowledging both feeling and emotion are neutral. There is no good or bad emotion. You can be angry, jealous or sad, but we don't need to label them negatively.
Next is acknowledging you can have different emotions appear at the same time. You can feel sad and lonely but also relieved at the same time. Everything in emotion and feeling is personal, and there is no way people can judge you.
Once you start to talk about your feeling and emotion, you are showing vulnerability. It builds real connections with others.
My final reminder to myself on emotion and feeling
A Quote from Oscar Wilde.
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken
Don't need to save face and preserve your image by not telling them what you are struggling with and what your feeling. Started talking about it to the person in your life.
(Try to) Figure out what you value and want in life
Once I understand what I want and what I value in life, that's the time I can set priority and ignore things that are inessential.
I used to be a career-driven person right after graduating from university.
But in the last year, my mindset has been slightly changing. When I observed the people around me, the executives in my company. On the surface, they have a great career path, outstanding achievements, always on the go for business trips and a generous company compensation package.
But once I started to work closely with them, I noticed they are all stressed at work, replying to your email at 12:00am and during weekends. They need to bear much responsibility from the others, even though it is out of their control. They might also have poor relationships with co-workers as they focus on their own agenda and climb the corporate ladder. It is like their entire life is consumed by work.
I am not saying career driven is terrible; everyone will make their choice by their will, but if we need to sacrifice our freedom and control of our life. I might need to think twice and see if it is worth doing it. And is that the person a role model to me and the person I want to be 10 years later? Probably not ~
Now I understand I don't want to be like them and don't want my life is only occupied by work. There should've lots of things we can get satisfaction from in life. What is the thing I want in life?
Writing it down will eventually guide me to make good decision.
What I value in life
- Have a good relationship with people around me (family, friends, colleagues and more) and always give them energy, help and support in every stage of their life.
- Inspire people and help them be happy and the person they want to be
- Keep learning and self-exploration
- Freedom to manage my time, don't need to restrain by the regular working hours and can arrange my schedule based on my own will. (Of course, there will be prices need to pay, but at least it is worth trying and seeing if it will work)
- Focus on the output and not the hours spent on certain things at work
- Only take the responsibility I am willing to take
Follow your curiosity, it will eventually lead you to interesting people and things
I believe I learned it for a while now but haven't written it down. From the first side project I started a few years ago on Airbnb Experience, I began to gain interest in experience design. This year, I joined a UX design course, which sparked my interest in UX, design and technology.
The entire process is natural, and I follow my curiosity. And this journey also leads me to many new friends and exciting ideas. Even though it is not the skill I am using at work at this moment, I believe all these dots can be connected in the coming future.
What things I am exploring now
- Web Analytic with Data Visualization
- User Experience Design and Service Design
- Buidling webiste and e-comemrce business
- Combining Data, Business and Design
What my curiosity leading me to
- Making a checklist to help business owners to identify all the potential pitfalls on their websites & business in multiple areas (business foundation, analytics, email, UX and digital marketing) so that they can prioritize the task and create a long-term plan for it. (Still WIP but here is a preview version for it)
E-commerce & Website Checklist Preview
- Starting this new blog and newsletter to share my thought in business, design and technology
Thank you for reading this article.
❤️ Interesting Things
🌊 Video - Turning 30 | Life Lessons I Learned In My 20s. I get the idea of writing this article from video created by a lawyer couple Em and Lloyd. Both of them quit their legal career as a corporate lawyer in a international firm. While this video is more related to the life lesson Em learned in her 20s.
📚Book - The Almanack of Naval Ravikant. A book talk about how to create wealth and happiness in life. Both of these things are important to our life and they are not just about luck and born with. They are skill we can learned. Some of my favourite quotes from this book.
Society will pay you for creating things it wants. But society doesn’t yet know how to create those things, because if it did, they wouldn’t need you.
The three big ones in life are wealth, health, and happiness. We pursue them in that order, but their importance is reverse.
Combine things you’re not supposed to combine to find your own aha moments and fulfil your curiosity.
🥘 Restaurant - La Vache. A steakhouse located in TST, Central and Pacific Place. Nice interior, nice music and stake. They also have 1 menu and set. Good for choose for people with decidophobia.